I was meditating that afternoon. My mama knew not to interrupt me when I was meditating because meditating requires your full and focused attention. I had been meditating two hours a day for two months before my mother passed away. Proudly, it had been the longest sustained meditation practice I had ever done. Sixty days of two hours of daily meditation, that's something to be proud of! I had also been practising various forms of yoga, kundalini, hatha and vinyasa yoga, for three hours a day since I returned from China in 2016. Practising yoga makes me feel like a fairy. In 2015, I was in China for close to six months doing research and working on the production of my film with the current working title ”Dragon Tears.” In November 2015, I travelled from Shanghai to Paris, and back to China again afterwards, to interview world renown environmental leader Dr. Vandana Shiva during COP 21. During my time in China, I was mainly based in Shanghai, but I had the chance to travel to Beijing for the first time! That was really great! I love Beijing! Especially Beijing's old city and ancient hutongs, some of which have been transformed into contemporary art galleries. The city of Beijing is fabulous; it's a wild scene! Beijing is definitely one of my most favourite cities in the world. And if it wasn't so polluted, I would probably be living there right now, at least for a few years, to get my Chinese language skills perfectly fluent indeed. I want to go back to China. I hope to have the opportunity to visit Beijing again. This time however, I will be travelling to China by boat for the first time ever, since I will not be taking the plane anymore for environmental reasons as was advised by Swedish youth leader Greta Thunberg during her recent speech in front of the United Nation! Greta Thunberg has been nominated for a Nobel peace prize! She deserves it! I hope to interview her for my film in the next two years! I am preparing my application for Les Films de L'Autre, which is a film production company based in Montreal that supports independent French speaking cinema, to direct and produce my film independently. In February 2016, I was back in Vancouver to finish writing my thesis for the M.A.A.PP.S. degree, which is an acronym for Master in Arts in Asia Pacific Policy Studies at the University of British Columbia. During the last year and a half of my degree, I was researching, reading, writing my thesis, and practising yoga on a daily basis. I was also vaporizing a lot of fabulous BC bud. The province of Quebec and the city of Montreal is lagging far behind British Columbia and the city of Vancouver when it comes to Canadian cannabis culture. My M.A.A.PP.S. Thesis, which is the core research for my film, is entitled: “ Dragon Tears: a critical analysis of the political ecology of planetary survival. I got 89%, it was one of the best of my program. During this period of my life, I was literally doing nothing else. There is a kind of trance that emerges from the process of intense focus, this is also when neuroplasticity occurs. Neuroplasticity is the extraordinary ability that your brain has to restructure itself. Your brain has the ability to make new synoptic connections altering it's own architecture. Through the process of meditation you are actually repairing your grey matter, which is why you feel so high afterwards. This is also what happens of course during the learning process. The forming of new synapses produces a kind of high that makes you want to keep learning. When I was writing my thesis, I was listening to a soundtrack called Gamma-burts brain catalyst for motivation, energy and intense focus. I am listening to it now. After listening to nothing else for over a year and a half, when I finished writing my thesis I actually found that listening to music was too intense. I could not listen to it, it was not comfortable. Music would irritate me. I have to say that it was indeed a strange experience. I love music. It was a strange thing to experience. It was like coming out of a shell... I do believe that my spiritual practice, the strict veganism, the daily devotional yoga, the exploration of meditation, strengthened forms of my consciousness by expanding, grounding and healing my energetic sphere/my aura, ready to heal my deep trauma just in time for my dear mother's passing through the veil of illusion.
Death is the archetypal dissolution of the cosmic veil. The cosmic veil is the illusion of separation. It is also the illusion of time and space. We need these matrices to play in this earthbound field. These are the rules of the game to experience this gross vibration field, a goldmind for the evolution of the soul. Death is limitless, eternal and in a state of expansion through the rising metaphysical forces of consciousness. Dying is entering the dimension of the eternal. Death is a transcendental passage, a mystical moment. Death is a float travelling between dimensions. Death is floating. It is the sailor's journey, the Soul's return, the Spirit's arrival HOME. It is the cycle of the forest, the flower, the honeybee. The day my mother died, I was more conscious, more grounded and more centred than I had ever been. Celebrating a quarter of a century of sexual aggression/mind manipulation (drugged)/repeated rape survival, I am grateful to say that this year I am finally healed (to a degree that I can be proud of) from the extreme trauma I experienced as a teenager. I am healed because I understand what happened to me. This healing process will continue to be the topic of my book “Death is Sacred,” that I have begun to write and you have begun to read. Since my mama died, I lost my motivation for my strict vegan diet, for practising hours of yoga and meditation on a daily basis. Although, I do only buy vegan organic food, I have been allowing myself to eat whatever is offered when I am invited to share a meal at my friend's or my family's house. I have been eating things I have not had in over a decade, like lamb for Easter. I even ate a piece of steak with my friend Mat! I don't even think that it was a consciously raised piece of meat. That's SO crazy! I have been smoking a little organic rolled tobacco. I have to say that I enjoy organic rolled tobacco in small quantities! I drank two glasses of non organic red wine that was offered to me at a friend's house, which I decided to drink because I was feeling sad...However, I only made myself sick with that stuff! I had such an intense stomach ache that it really made me wonder why I drank that wine. I won't be doing that again anytime soon...If I drink wine it has to be biodynamic or at the very least organic because otherwise it is like drinking pesticide juice. Also, drinking when you are sad is not a good idea because it's a depressant and will only make you feel more depressed. Anyways, I am almost ready to go back to my stick vegan alcohol free yogic lifestyle. Spending time with friend's and family was important through this period of my life. Mourning is a form of drowning, the tsunami wave dream I had a few weeks before my mother died was quite literal in it's form. The death of my mother is the saddest moment of my life. I am giving myself the space to be messy, confused, angry, and sad. I am not quite myself. I am cleansing the house, going through everything, recycling, giving away my mother's things. I am finding out who I am with all of this new space in my life, all of these new responsibilities, all of these new possibilities. I have the profound urge to express my soul. I feel the urgency of creativity; the urgency of the creative process. Art is healing. I have been playing guitar. I have never played guitar quite like this before. I am playing with the sadness of someone who is mourning profoundly. My heart needs to sing. So, to honour my healing process I started signing again. I need to sing because like gathering autumn seeds, sacred sounds weave the cycle of death and life into a conscious whole again. I am honouring my mourning process, my creative urges to write, sing and play guitar, as well as my intense grieving mood variations. For those who are mourning is it interesting to read up on the specific phases and emotions that qualify the mourning process. Mourning is a creative process. Creativity has been an important part of surviving the emotional intensity that was symbolized in my dream by the tsunami wave that I am engulfed by. I know. The wave is cleansing my soul...Mourning is a form of healing. However, it is a form of healing with it's own royal domain because of it's deeply archetypal cosmic/metaphysical texture. The mourning process as a healing process is internal and sacred. The complexities of love fascinate me. Life and death fascinate me; the intricacies of it all.
BÉRANGÈRE MAÏA NATASHA PARIZEAU
My artwork, experimental films, and scholarly reflections emerge from a deep curiosity and fascination with the boundlessness of the human spirit, the limitlessness of the cosmic universe, the mythological, the spiritual, the exploration of my EARTH LIGHT body which emanates from infinity (this is the realm of the MYSTERY, the wildest imagination), as well as a real concern for our beautiful planet MOTHER EARTH. The premise of this heuristic body of work is that the current planetary crises are crises in human consciousness, crises of the humanity group soul/spirit. As an environmental advocate and consciousness activist, my work intends to intentionally participate in redesigning culture, the intentional participation in designing a post-growth ecological culture (this is the creative process of redesigning culture) for an ecologically sustainable and spiritually thriving planetary future. My intention is to shed light on the sacred multidimensional ways in which we potentiate the power of our consciousness. This body of work is a prayer to humanity to align our mind and hearts, to raise the power of our hearts, to develop methods and technologies to go inward towards the complexities and awareness of our individual connection to Source We are the Rainbow Warriors. If the world is indeed participatory, we manifest/dream this world into existence. Indeed, dear friends... a colourful future is ours to create!