Mourning is a Tidal Wave
Writing is healing.
Thank you dear friend, dear stranger, for reading my work and participating in this healing process.
The day I found my dead mother was a horrible day. The first moments after I found her dead I was extremely confused. Everybody reacts differently to the death of a loved one, and everybody's grieving process is going to be different. On day one of my dear mother's death, I was on a steady and intense release of adrenaline. I was unable to feel my sadness because I was too confused and in a state of shock! I understand the stressful numbness I felt... if my unconscious had allowed my HEART to fully feel my profound sadness, I would of died of sadness right then and there. There would have been no other way. I felt a super weird uncomfortable numbness and adrenaline buzz for the rest of the day. I was really confused. I was terrified.
Artemis picked a card from the Yogananda's deck of cards...
A “Para-Gram” by Paramahansa
Why do we cry when our dear ones die? Because we sorrow for our own loss. If our loved ones leave us for training in better schools of life, we should rejoice instead of being selfishly sad, for we may keep them earthbound and hamper their progress by broadcasting our own selfish wills. The Lord is ever new, and by His infinite magic wand, Renewing Death, He keeps each created object, each living being, ever manifesting, ever remodelling itself into a fitter vehicle for His inexhaustible expressions. Death comes to dutiful men as a promotion to a higher state; it comes to failures to give them another chance in a different environment. The life beautiful evolves as souls are trained in the factory of mighty death.
After she picked the card, Artemis sent me a picture of the message and wrote: "What a beautiful mystery life is..." Mama! I pray with a courageous heart for the strength to be strong enough to let your wild eternal SOUL be released so that you may graduate to higher planes. You deserve to fly high. The profound message of the Yogananda card was so helpful in understanding my grieving process, especially in the following days and first weeks of the initial shock of my dear mother's death. I read this wisdom note out load for my aunts and uncle who all travelled from out of town to be with me at the cremation to honour my dear mother's SOUL. I choose to witness the cremation and my goal was to not cry to allow the release of my dear mother's SOUL. I was lucky that my mother's best friend Nadia, stayed with me during this process. She held me closely. I did cry before and after but not during the cremation process. I am stronger now. I have never been this powerful. The strength of my mother in inside of my heart and SOUL. I can feel her. I will follow my best friend Akil's wise advice: "Everything that you do...Do it for her and for you!" After Akil read my post he wrote back to me saying: "I just read your post. It was so touching, yet enlightening. I am so glad that you have found that maturity to help you on this process. Life is a process, so is grieving, and as with any process there comes knowledge. And in knowledge there is power. You my dear are becoming powerful. Keep it up!"